Lost Texas Hashers

2006-03-29T19:37:00.000-06:00

Name Change

2006-03-01T16:17:00.000-06:00

It's become very common for people of the muslim faith to change their given birth name to some Islamic origin name, usually based on a derivative of one of the famous prophets.

However, we have a firefighter who apparently worships the Transformers-yes, the cartoon-because he LEGALLY had his name changed to Optimus Prime.

Just one more sign that the apocalypse will soon be upon us.

Random Rants

2006-02-24T14:30:00.000-06:00

WooHoo! 3 nights straight of mortar attacks!

Sex in the City: According to that stupid quiz, if I were a chick (go fuck yourself, Dick), I am apparently like Miranda...but I'd definitely dyke out with Carrie.

So, about these quizzes...have you noticed that quizzes generally cater to women? There are very few out there that cater to us boyz...probably because we find most of that crap ridiculus sounding and stupid to begin with...hence, no interest=no quizzes.

Random event that interests only me: An ex fuck buddy of mine from California recently got dumped by her new man...because she was too flat-chested. Of course, he waited until a couple months into the relationship to decide this, proving that assholes are alive and well.

Drunk story, Iraq style: Last night, two employees attempted to drive into our camp. they were fucking hammered, and hit the fence on the way in. They backed up, and then hit the jersey barriers. Third time is a charm, as they made it in. Of course, security was called, who pulled them over. The driver and passenger gave up their IDs, and then the passenger fled! The fucker ran away, all of a 2 block equivalent, and locked himself into his room. Of course, with his ID, we could track down his room number-so we did. When we knocked on his door, he refused to open it, and said he wouldn't speak to anyone, or take a fucking breathalyzer, unless the Military Police were present. So, we honored the man's wishes, and called the MPs, who promptly responded to our call. So, back to the idiot's room we went. We knocked, announced the presence of the MP's...he opened the door, the MPs apprehended him, and 2 hours later was booked on a DWI charge, and will soon be going home, fired from his job.

If he had let us simply breathalyze him, he would have still been termed for alcohol consumption...but involving the military caused him to get a DWI...IDIOT!

The funniest part is that people get hammered here, and they think they can hide from it. We know where everyone lives, and where they work. This isn't the states, where you are golden as long as you don't get caught. Around here, there is NOWHERE to run or hide if you do something stupid-we live in a controlled environment in a hostile country...but people still think they can get away with it...IDIOT!

Happy HNT from Iraq!

2006-02-23T17:53:00.000-06:00

I figured it was time for me to join the HNT club...

Trojan...sweetheart...can you help me figure out (i.e. do it for me) how to put that cool little HNT Logo on the blog somewhere? I'm proving to be very blog illiterate (I just learned yesterday that the little picture icon in the posting template allows you to post pictures).

Anyway, I'm taking suggestions for next week's HNT, as I have no cool statues of my bum to post!

Mid-East Dentistry

2006-02-21T15:27:00.000-06:00

Ola Wankers!

I am back from the dentist! During my 3 days away from sunny Baghdad, I managed to get my left-upper wisdom tooth pulled, my teeth cleaned and scaled and polished, and some cool pics of my mouth and teeth in black and white.

I was a bit leery at first...I mean, what American honestly expects to receive the same quality care in Kuwait that we've come to expect from our own, homegrown, local dentist? Fortunately, they all wear blue dentist smocks, so at least he looked like a dentist!

Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised. I went to this place in Kuwait City called the International Clinic. This place is a major player. It has specialists of all kinds for medical cases, as well as standard dentists and oral surgeons. It is also extremely modern, and boasts (at least on the dental side) every piece of modern equipment available, as far as I can tell.

Here is a brief synopsis of my dental visit:

Appointment time was 10 AM.

Check In: Present civil ID (US Passport); fill out 1 page New patient form (Time elapsed: 5 minutes)

Then, I went upstairs, and reported in to the dental Receptionist on the second floor. 5 minutes later, I'm in the dentist chair.

By 10:20, initial x-rays are complete, and the dentist is cleaning the hell out of my teeth with some fancy ultra-sound vibrating scaling thing-beats the hell out of the old scrape hooks my dentists were still using just 18 months ago!

At 10:40, surgery was started to remove my left-upper wisdom tooth. 17 minutes later, surgery was complete, and by 11:05, I was walking out to reception to pay for my services, with my left wisdom tooth encased in plastic as a souvenir.

By 11:20, I had filled my prescription at the in-house pharmacy, and was walking out the door. Simply, utterly amazing.

In 80 minutes, I had my teeth cleaned, a wisdom tooth removed, a prescription filled, and my paperwork settled and paid for...seems to me there isn't a dentist in the states that can match that, at least in my experience.

Total Cost: $607.20

Someone look up that stuff in the states for me...PLEASE? I'd be curious to see if our services cost less, more, or are relatively equal.

Cheers and Near Beers!

Cheaper

Post Valentine's Rant

2006-02-16T16:13:00.000-06:00

Ola Wankers!

Valentine's day is an interesting holiday in a combat zone. Apparently people get confused and become convinced they must buy gifts not only for their wives and husbands back home, but also for their new lovers out here as well.

Meaning that I am amazed at how many married men out here are buying flowers and gifts from the PX, or ordering stuff online, for the many married women out here. Craziness-and the world wonders why civilization is slowly crumbling before our very eyes. Oh well. I can't complain, since I had an affair with a married chick once, thus contributing to the downfall of modern civ.

Oh, and I have dubbed my base camp Mulletville. Apparently, if you work in the construction trades, you must have a Mullet, guy or girl, Joe Dirt style. Girls look awful funny with the typical male sho-lo going on.

Hmmm, what else to "mull" er, rant, about...

It's my mom's birthday tomorrow...someone email me and remind me to call her.

Can someone send me some PLAX, the red kind? The PX here only sells Scope and Listerene, and neither of them work for me...they burn way too much-I'm a wimp, I know.

On-On,
Cheaper

Death in Iraq

2006-02-11T09:46:00.000-06:00

Ola Wankers,

We had an employee die today.

Late last night, an vehicle accident occurred that seriously injured one of the local national (Iraqi) drivers in our employ. Later that morning, we dispatched a vehicle recovery team to bring in the disabled vehicle. While driving out to the disabled vehicle, our contact team encountered an IED (improvised explosive device), not very far from the gate to our base complex. The explosion, unfortunately, took the life of the recovery driver we had dispatched to recover the vehicle involved in the accident.

The boom from the explosion was large...very large. It was the closest one we've had (in terms of proximity to the base) since I arrived back in November.

Anyway, just another somber reminder of the uphill battle we face over here as we continue setting the conditions for a democratic and free Iraq.

Cheaper

Nuttin' Much To Say but Thanks!

2006-02-02T19:39:00.000-06:00

On-On Everbody! I'm fucking bored, at the end of my shift, and pissed because I won't get to watch the superbowl...cuz' I'll be working.

Just wanted to vent...otherwise, life is good.

Thanks to all who keep writing letters, sending postcards, and mailing care packages...DBD-luv ya baby, but where's that mouthwash you promised me? Trojan, you just keep doing what you do, and sending what you send...much appreciated.

Someone get piss drunk for me, and have some nasty, no freakin' clue how or why you woke up nekkid in the back seat of your car behind the gas station parking lot sex with somebody!

cheers,
cheaper

F**K*N Celibacy

2006-01-26T18:11:00.000-06:00

I didn't realize it had been 3 weeks since I last posted something.

Anyway, I figured I'd share how much being celibate SUCKS. It dawned on me that MLK Weekend marked 2 months of no nookie, and on top of that, I missed Tex-Mex Sex!

So, there you have it. I haven't been able to hash, nor F**K, since the middle of November.

honestly, I probably could F**K, but it would mean settling. 'Cuz the girls over here, that one might consider "cute", are actually no more than a 3, on a 10 scale, in the states. We'll see how long I can hold off before I settle...

So, to steal from Scarface...[Right hand] Say hello to my little friend [Penis].

Okay, now shake and get to know each other better!

Here Comes The Rain...

2006-01-07T18:31:00.000-06:00

Iraq's rainy season has begun. The sand is so fine here. Mix this fine stuff with water-poof!-instead mud and muck. I have the distinct pleasure of looking forward to this on-again, off-again, light rain for the next couple of months. Truthfully, I'm enjoying the rain, because it beats the hell out of the constantly dry climate, even if it is only through February or so. It is the mud, however, that must disappear.

Anyway, I've rambled much to long about the rain and mud. The point of this rant is something else entirely. I was musing to myself today and wondered why the suicide rate here isn't as high as I thought it could be (which is a very good thing). Ok, so here is the background: Thos eof us out here work in a very dry and dusty climate 10 months out of the year. We look at the same light beige color almost year round. Add to this the pale gray of concrete barriers, and the same-colored, ever-present crushed rock and gravel we use for leveling roads, flood prevention, etc., and you quickly realize the only color you'll see will come from your computer monitor, or your clothing...point is the outside world we are living and working in is basically two colors: light beige and pale gray. Add in the dark gray mud we have due to the rain, and suddenly you have a very dreary place to be.

Hence my surprise at the apparently low rates of depression and suicide amongst the U.S .population here. I'm guessing that the available communication back "to the rear," and the resulting ability to interact with your friends back home through emails, phone calls, and blogging, likely makes all the difference. So, minus the alcohol, and physically being present with ya'lls sorry a$$e$ (big smile!), it really doesn't feel like I'm living overseas in a combat zone (until the impact of the mortar rounds, or the sounds of automatic weapons fire, or the roar of helicopters flying overhead wakes me up from my peaceful slumber, but ya'll know what I mean, right?).

On-On, and sorry for the rambling,

Cheaper

Hook 'Em Horns, Baby!

2006-01-05T13:06:00.000-06:00

Hey, USC!

The eyes of Texas are upon you...and you failed miserably under the withering state of greatness! Punks! But hey, you played one heck of a game for second place!

Seriously though...this had to have been one of the best college football games in recent memory. Likely up there with Ohio State-Notre Dame in the Fiesta a few years back, and certainly was a exciting as this year's Penn State-Florida State match-up in the Orange Bowl.

Anyway, how cool is that Vince Young rallied Texas to a crazy come from behind win against Michigan in last year's Rose Bowl, and then finds himself standing there one year later with a national championship under his belt? F**K*N awesome!

Happy Hangovers!

2006-01-01T13:23:00.000-06:00

I hope each of you had a drink or two for me...and i hope you all have terrible hangovers.

Serves each of you right for partying without me, and drinking the real stuff while I suck down my favorite near beer.

On-On,
Cheaper

Happy F**K*N New Year Wankers!

2005-12-31T09:45:00.000-06:00

Howdy everyone!
Just wanted to wish ya'll a happy new year, and remind each of you that you have a solemn responsibility to get drunk for those of us who are limited to sucking down copius amounts of Near Beer. So, remember: Ya'll are drinking for at least 4 of us, plus yourselves, so pace properly, and enjoy the party!

On-On,
Cheaper

This thing works!

2005-12-27T14:56:00.000-06:00

Holy Crap, Batman!

This freakin' blog thing actually works! I'm guessing this is what email must have been like the first time you got an email message from somebody, huh?

Anyway, time to go back to work....more work and less play for Cheaper now :>(

on-on,
C2Kr

2005-12-27T12:05:00.000-06:00

Radwaniyah Palace: We took this from the Haji's.

Hola from Iraq!

2005-12-27T10:56:00.000-06:00

Hey Wankers!

I just set up this crazy blog for everyone back home in the Texas hash world to keep in touch with lost wankers like myself, and KaBoobie, and Penile Probe, and anyone else who had to leave Texas hashing due to a military deployment, a civilian job, a marriage to an Iraqi woman, or whatever another bullshit reason existed!

So, post away, and tell us how much better the hash is now that we're gone!

On-On,
Cheaper